i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
