Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
