she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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