using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Randomize
