My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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