The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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