in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
