I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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