so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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