This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
