biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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