I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
