My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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