Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
dude. I can hear the air.
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