Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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