I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
