Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
