What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
