Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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