well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
