If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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