why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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