yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
