Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
