I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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