Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
