i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
