someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
