I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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