Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
