she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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