Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
