I seem to have left my pride at pride
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
we should paint friendship bongs
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