she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
