I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
