it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He shit in the fireplace
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
