I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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