First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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