I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
