we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
