Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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