You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
