Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
