you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
