He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
