can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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