i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
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We left an ass print on the piano.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
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Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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