he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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