Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
