What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
