What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
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she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
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Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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