I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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