But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
