Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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