i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
