Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
