youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Randomize
