Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
