I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
