I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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