the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
