It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
