we have pet lesbian snakes
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Sorry my hands just texted you
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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