hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
