i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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