If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
