jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
