Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
