Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
