i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
