I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
