Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
